April 25th, 2009

dba'ers,

This is an exclusive DonByramArt email concerning Matthew Stafford and his being picked overall number 1 in the NFL draft by the Detroit Lions.

Matthew Stafford was shocked today shortly after closing the 6 year $72 million deal with the Detroit Lions to discover his right arm (throwing arm) has signed with a separate agent than the rest of his body and flatly refuses to move to Detroit. His arm stated, through his own agent, that regardless of what the rest of Matthew decided, it was "insane" to physically relocate to Detroit and try to fix what "even Obama can't fix.....namely Detroit". His arm said it was willing to play in the NFL anywhere else and hinted that it had heard that Denver "might need another starting SEC quarterback". "I would be willing to play in Detroit, only if I was there to win games, which means I would be playing for any of the other teams in the league".

Matthew Stafford's agent was unavailable for comment when he discovered the terms of the deal Matthew's arm made with it's agent. Rumors have it that 85% of Matthew and his agent are renegotiating the terms of their deal.

In a related story, Lion's wide receiver and former Georgia Tech's Tallest All American In A Long Time, Calvin Johnson was surprised to discover a bullseye painted on the back of his helmet in Red and Black when he went to pick up this year's Lion's playbook. Previously, the always gracious Johnson was quoted as saying, "I would be happy to catch footballs from Matthew or anyone else for that matter, as long as they (Lions) don't re-sign Reggie Ball". Reggie Ball couldn't be reached for comment as he was working on a tight deadline to get the pizza delivered in less than 30 minutes.

Thanks for playing nicely....well kinda...